Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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