CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
