how can u be prego again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
