You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
