Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
