Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
