How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
