question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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