I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
