Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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