I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
