Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
