He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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