I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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