I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
