Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Less talking, more tequila
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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