I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
