She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
