I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
