There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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