me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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