so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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