The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
is that a dick in a sweater?
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