Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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