Will you blow on my dice?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
