Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
