hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
