I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
