fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
