I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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