like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
