Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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