The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
