i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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