god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
