i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
