last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
