Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
