I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Pooping to opera.
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