Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
