We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
