im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
