just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
