the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
