I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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