I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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