I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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