I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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