I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
