This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think i got beer on your cat.
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