This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
