is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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