I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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