Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
