And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
