The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
