Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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