my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
