so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
