Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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