drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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