When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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