i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
