I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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