best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
